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A book about what it is like to be married to a famous, powerful man is nothing new. They are perennials on publisher’s lists. When I wrote Powerful Mate Syndrome, my intention was not to exact revenge on my former spouse. Rather it was to enlighten and empower anyone, female or male, who found themselves feeling powerless in a relationships with a powerful mate.
Below are short excerpts from the book.
Introduction
All of us, at one time or another in our lives, have been told, “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.” I certainly heard that message. Too bad I didn’t pay attention. When I said “I do” to my fairytale prince, I had no idea that I was simultaneously agreeing to a long and painful process of losing my identity. I had no idea that I was plunging myself headlong into Powerful Mate Syndrome. After all, my husband.....
Chapter One: Defining Powerful Mate Syndrome
Powerful mates come in many shapes and sizes. Perhaps a working definition would help. Let’s start with the word powerful. Its meaning is always in the mind of the beholder, isn’t it? Just like so many words in our vocabulary, the way we perceive power has everything to do with our experience and our environment. A partner who is powerful to you may not seem powerful to anyone else. For the purposes of this book, I use the term powerful mate to describe any intimate partner who has the ability to exert significant influence.....
Chapter Two: Six Types of Powerful Mates
People acquire power in many ways. Some are born into power by virtue of their family name-be it Rockefeller or Kennedy or Carnegie or Dupont. Others gain it through professional or career success. Still others take it from others by force. Pioneers, inventors, innovators, and entrepreneurs create their own power by tapping into niches that no one else has. And then there are those who believe they can acquire power by association, in our case, marriage. There is no stronger aphrodisiac in the world than power. Let’s look at some different kinds of powerful mates through whom.....
Chapter Three: A High Price to Pay, with Hidden Costs
Loss is an issue central to Powerful Mate Syndrome. Not only does a woman with “PMS” feel as though her strength and purpose is lost, the feeling of being lost can extend into other areas of her life, such as her ability to exercise control over her financial situation. She may feel that she has no identity separate and apart from.....
Chapter Four: Begin With the End In Mind
“Begin with the end in mind? How unromantic can you get!?” That’s what I hear from women whenever I broach the subject of this chapter. How can I suggest such a thing? It flies in the face of everything we tell ourselves about marriage and it is completely counter to the romantic mindset with which most of us approach marriage. But what does that mindset get us? Fantasies! Fantasies that will, one way or another, be dashed by.....
Chapter Five: Invest in Couples Counseling
Powerful Mate Syndrome can only exist in the mind of a woman who is under the influence of the “Powerful Prince” fantasy. It simply cannot take root and survive in the mind of a woman who has realistic expectations about her relationship and a clear understanding of herself and her mate. That’s why it is so important to invest in counseling. There is something of value.....
Chapter Six: Create Your Own Game Plan
Sports offer lots of useful analogies for our intimate relationships. One of the things that became a fixture in our household during the years that James played professional basketball was a playbook. His playbook ranked second in importance behind the Bible. It was thick and heavy: filled to capacity with page after page of diagrams detailing the team’s offensive and defensive schemes. The coaches would formulate a plan of attack for every game, and every conceivable play that they might run.....
Chapter Seven: Invest in a Prenuptial Agreement
In addition to premarital counseling and the formation of a really thorough game plan, I am a big believer in prenuptial agreements. Why? Aren’t they just a weapon rich people use to keep their assets for themselves? The answer is simple. No. If there is any one thing that will shake a woman out of looking at her marriage as a fairytale and her intended spouse as a prince, it is a prenuptial agreement. More than any other tool, a prenuptial agreement takes the concept of marriage out of the realm of fantasy and into the world of.....
Chapter Eight: Make and Manage Your Own Money
Let’s face it, money and all that it symbolizes is often much harder to talk about than almost any other issue, including sex. Perhaps that’s why it was in the area of money that I felt the insidious effects of Powerful Mate Syndrome most acutely. We just didn’t talk about it. Clearly it takes more than having access to money to have real power, but the price of not dealing with the issue of money is far higher than.....
Chapter Nine: God, Grace and Gratitude
One of the things that made me vulnerable to Powerful Mate Syndrome was that I had a major disconnect from God. Although I was raised in the Methodist church and spent my entire life in one kind of church or another, these days I prefer to refer to myself as a “spiritual Heinz 57.” That is a fancy way of saying that I am a spiritual mutt. I take solace and inspiration from a wide variety of spiritual coaches, religions and writings. It is not my goal to sway you in the direction of any particular religion, only to have you.....
Chapter Ten: Turning the Fairy Tale into Your Reality Tale
You have taken a long journey. You are to be commended for facing the ugly truth about Powerful Mate Syndrome and for taking the steps necessary to break free once and for all. The first step is awareness. The second one is action. The result of the two will be a new chapter in your life – your reality tale – and you get to be its primary author. Of course, your powerful partner, recently liberated from his own psychological prison of princedom will.....
Powerful Mate Syndrome: Reclaiming Your Strength and Purpose When Your Partner is the Star of the Relationship. © 2003 Angela Wilder
Published by St. Martin’s Press
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